I didn’t know how, but for some reasons, I didn’t close to my grandparents from my mom side, made me think that we didn’t meant to be that close with all our grandparents. As I growing up, I start to think how amazing to be arround with families and loved ones, to feel loved. I started to miss some of my families who I never met, but used to hear about them. But they were gone, even before I realize how it feels to loose someone.
I was looking at my grandparents (yarhamhum) picture for a while. And these warm tears come streaming down my cheek. I can’t control my emotion. This moment like this is heartbreaking. The more I look at them, the more I feel hurt inside. For I know I never meet them, I only hear about them from my father. My father used to tell the stories about them, left me wondering when I could meet them.
I touch the picture. With all my heart I touch their face, every inch of their face. They are beautiful even in a picture. I put the picture on my chest. Can you hear my heartbeat, love?
I see grandpa (we call him Yai) holding a bold book written Muhammad in Arabic on its cover. The other bold book is on the table, opened in front of them. The other bold book on the table written Al Qur’an dan Assunah. In the back of them I can see a neat book shelf. The books must be treasures if they are still exist. Oh my love..I wanna read those books. I wanna read those books you used to hold by your beautiful fingers. I wanna hold those books, and smell the scent of you on their pages.
I wanna hear you tell me stories, read me poetry, give me advices on your rooftop and having tea together. I want you to know that I’m so interested in Islamic too, that I conviced myself to take this path. O my love.. my heart..
I kiss her beautiful face, my grandma. I call her Nyai. How can be a woman as beautiful as you? You are beyond beauty. How does the scent of you? Oh love, my words are stopped in this “I miss you with all my heart” sentence.
How it felt to be arround you? I always wanted to be with you all my life. I hear from father that you are the best chef. You used to cook grilled fish and take the vegetables from the farm by your own hands. Your hands, how beautiful it could be. Can I taste your dish? Can I kiss your hands? Can I have your hands wipe my head? It must be heaven to lean on your shoulder..
Oh love, I can’t put into words how beatiful you are with your scarf.. I put scarf on my head too, love. But I will never able to compete your beauty. O my love..my heart..
My love, I know you read this from there. This is my heart, can you look at it? I always wondering all my life what kind of relationship we would have if we ever see each other. Oh my love, how can we never meet? How can I didn’t have any memory of you? Please my love, take my heart and come to my dream.. or if you won’t, I will still hope that we crossing path in heaven. Amiin