Syawal 03, 1435H.

why still not forgiving ourselves after all this blessings of Ramadhan? i’m thinking of this so much recently as the Eid comes.

i remember what i read about the history of Eid’s takbir. it was first time echoed through the world when muslimeen won from Badar War against munafiqeen on the end of Ramadhan in 2nd year of Hijra (please kindly correct me if i’m wrong).

as it was about the war against munafiqeen i would like to highlight the meaning of munafiqeen here. the most character of munafiqeen is betraying. i also seeing the munafiq as a way nearing kafir. kafir, linguistically means ungrateful, for the opposite word of ‘kufr’ is ‘shukr’ (grateful). on the Ramadhan..we have that ‘Badr war’ within ourselves. Our true intentions against negativity, our good deeds against our bad deeds, and so on..

but alhamdulillah.. the Ramadhan atmosphere itself gives us sooo many blessings and opportunities to let ourselves focused on our jihad against the bad deeds and intentions. the voice of someone reading Qur’an in the nearest mosque.. ‘ronda’ who reminded you to wake up for qiyamul layl and sahuur.. people arround you who call you to pray on time, your mothers who did her best to cook the most delicious food! so much to be grateful than to be complained..

but why still can’t forgiving ourselves?

shouldn’t us be more grateful that we won in some ways..? that Allah kindly gave us opportunities to discover this Ramadhan peacefully.. that Alllah gave us opportunities to maintain our jihad and purify our souls? and the most important is.. shoudn’t us be more grateful that even after Ramadhan passed, we still have that feeling not to be able to let Ramadhan go?

it’s the most beautiful winning when we cry alot on how fast Ramadhan passed before we do our best. you have that wound in your heart. the wound of missing Ramadhan. the wound that you won’t ever want to heal. the wound that not everyone have, the wound you want to keep in your heart forever. shouldn’t us be more grateful that we have that ‘wound’ in our heart? some hearts are harden enough to just let the Ramadhan go.. but we not, we have that wound in our heart to not able to let it go easily. the wound that wants Ramadhan to remains forever.

masya Allah.. shouldn’t you be grateful enough to have a such beatiful soul? every soul has its own jihad. don’t ever compare to others. and the important thing is..every jihad and good deeds we did are counted (even it is an atom’s weight, our good deeds counted and will be judged).

so how we still not able to forgive ourselves?

Ramadhan guided us against ‘the betray (munafiq) side’ on ourselves, against the ‘kufr’ side on ourselves.. masya Allah..now what prevents us to be ungrateful on what Allah grant us?

let’s don’t be too hard to ourselves. our souls need to be appreciated for their struggles.

Taqabalallahu minna wa minkum, taqabal ya Kareem (may Allah accept from us and from you, please accept O’ Kareem..)

Alllahu Akbar, Laa ilaha ilallahu wa lillahil Hamd.

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