Lyric of The Day : About Our First Met

August 21, 2015. when i newly turn to 27 years old, that’s when the first time i met him.

Communication – The Cardigans

For 27 years I’ve been trying to believe and confide in
Different people I’ve found.
Some of them got closer than others
Some wouldn’t even bother and then you came around
I didn’t really know what to call you, you didn’t know me at all
But I was happy to explain.
I never really knew how to move you
So I tried to intrude through the little holes in your veins

And I saw you
But that’s not an invitation
That’s all I get
If this is communication
I disconnect
I’ve seen you, I know you
But I don’t know
How to connect, so I disconnect

You always seem to know where to find me and I’m still here behind you
In the corner of your eye.
I’ll never really learn how to love you
But I know that I love you through the hole in the sky.

Where I see you
And that’s not an invitation
That’s all I get
If this is communication
I disconnect
I’ve seen you, I know you
But I don’t know
How to connect, so I disconnect

Well this is an invitation
It’s not a threat
If you want communication
That’s what you get
I’m talking and talking
But I don’t know
How to connect
And I hold a record for being patient
With your kind of hesitation

Oh, I need you, you want me
But I don’t know
How to connect, so I disconnect
I disconnect

 

listen the song here :

Lagu ini sering sekali saya putar beberapa hari setelah bertemu dengannya. Karena mendapati ternyata ketika bertemu seseorang, kita mesti siap dengan segala apa yang telah dia lalui, apa yang tengah ia hadapi, apa yang ingin ia jelang.

menyedihkan di awal mulanya, betapa saya betapa sulit menerima kenyataan atas segala apa yang Tuhan hadirkan satu paket dengan kehadirannya. we totally strangers..

hingga kemudian… menyadari, begitu banyak orang-orang asing yang dihadirkan ke dalam kehidupan kita. Bukannya kebetulan, namun sudah ditentukannya, jauh sebelum ruang dan waktu tercipta. take them or leave them.

lots of fo R.

Hello August, We Meet Again..

it was in the middle of August, when someone surprisingly chat me on G+’s hangout;

“hey, i read a lot of post on your blog, you seems like a nice person, it seems good if we meet in person”

there you were.. entering the cafe looking for a best table to spot me. there i was.. taking a picture of you entering the cafe from second floor of my office.

2 minutes later.. me went down the stairs, crossing the street, plug in my earphone into my phone, put on my ears without playing anything, walking to the cafe, face down, trying to be relax that i will meet someone i never meet before.

there was me..taking the chair, and sit.. still, face down. counting 1, 2, 3, 4, in my heart and you were came in 5 seconds. taking a chair in front of me..

“milt..milta..!”

and the story goes..he is the person i finally marry with.

it was in the end of August, our so-called first date, 1 week from the first meet. rode your motorcycle around the city, went to the crowded of Braga, offered shalat at Mesjid Agung,  shared stories under the lights of Braga, went to vintage art shop, went to vintage cafe and shared food.

never know that Allah has written his name to be one of beautiful people who will coloring my life. can not believing how wonderful Allah has planned our meeting in a such beautiful and perfect time, perfect place. still can’t believe how beautiful it was.

 

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***

The Monophones – Rain of July

I’m standing here in the sky of july
With the blue and cloudy sky
With the land there’s dry

The sun its burning all of the land
Turn the stone into the sand
Leave my world in pain

Dear sunshine would you give of your time
To give the cloud chance when the dream has so blind
Dear sunshine why don’t you understand
All I need is only rain to wash away all the pain

The sun its burning all of the land
Turn the stone into the sand
Leave my world in pain

What should I do at least for a try
To pick a piece of yours being rain of july
Or should I flying high to the sky
To pick a piece of yours being rain of july

How can I release my pain
All my world will lost in vain
If the rain will not to fall
In the sky of july

I can see you
Thought I can’t have you
I can feel you
Is everything has a meaning
For all those days I’ve been trying
And here I’m keep on waiting

Dear sunshine would you give of your time
To give the cloud the chance when the dream has so blind
Or should I flying high to the sky
To pick a piece of yours being rain of july

***

 

…welcome to my heart, Radityo...

p.s : not even a single picture of him will be shown here, because he is too dashing and i wont let you look into his beautiful eyes..he is limited only for me.

how human we are.. to be arrogant of temporary material things we actually never had, while everything in this world is in HIS hand..HE can take it all from us in a blink of eye..

o’ Lord, take everything from me..until all i know is YOU.

Nomadic Heart

Pernah bertanya pada diri sendiri, di tengah malam ketika tangan sibuk memilah barang apa saja yang akan disertakan untuk perjalanan beberapa hari ke depan.

“kenapa harus melakukan perjalanan-perjalanan ini sendiri? sampai kapan akan demikian?”

go ahead.

karena ternyata, kadangkala teman perjalanan terbaik bukanlah melulu yang bersamamu merangkai setiap rencana perjalanan, menyiapkan perlengkapan bersama, dan mengukur jarak bersama.

Teman perjalanan yang terbaik kadangkala adalah senyum sapa penjual sarapan pagi di kota barumu selagi kamu masih belum juga mandi, mereka yang menceritakan kotanya dengan penuh bangga di balik kemudi, mereka yang membuka bekal perjalanannya denganmu untuk berbagi, rintik hujan pagi hari di tepi candi, hembus angin di balik dedaunan, doa para terkasih dari kejauhan… dan… rasa rindu yang menarikmu  untuk segera pulang.

setiap perjalanan mengajarkamu kemana seharusnya kamu kembali.

(rindu yang hebat untuk teman-teman perjalananku : bunga-bunga aneka warna mencolok yang tengah bermekaran di Gardens By The Bay, melihat kerlip cahaya Singapura malam dari 800 meter ketinggian, senyum tanpa gigi seorang Ibu yang memakai kebaya sepulang dari pasar di angkutan menuju Ullen Sentalu, semilir angin di Taman Sari, buah kersen dari tangan pengemudi di Kediri, sepasang tangan yang kasar namun begitu penuh kehati-hatian menyentuh kitab Jawi di Gua Maria Kediri, rona-rona merah di Blitar, bulan sempurna berkeliling bintang dipandang sembari terlentang di atas hamparan pasir pantai Untung Jawa,  kabut pagi di Bromo, suara rel kereta yang bertabrakan dengan roda besinya tak sejalang dengan hatimu yang sepi,  suara para peziarah bersahutan melantunkan doa dan pujian di tepi astana para pemimpin pesantren di Jombang, hujan di Trowulan, bunga kamboja menjatuhkan diri di dinding candi-candi Majapahit, senyapnya makam pendita di Bayat dalam lantunan doa  di hati para pemuja, satu langkah kaki peziarah Gua Maria Bayat yang memunguti setiap helai daun yang dilaluinya, mengamati setiap bahagianya perjumpaan dan beratnya perpisahan di kursi tunggu Stasiun Kutoarjo,  dan… degup hati ketika akhirnya sampai di sebuah kota yang sangat enggan kau datangi namun tak jua kau beranjak darinya demi sebuah pembuktian bahwa hatimu begitu kuat untuk merelakan semuanya benar-benar berakhir..)

perjalanan tak ubahnya sebuah ziarah panjang para penempuh perjalanan di dunia, sebuah perjalanan spiritualitas yang mengungkapkan fakta bahwa banyak hati yang sepi, hati yang patah, hati yang berprasangka, hati yang bersukaria, yang masing-masing seperti ingin saling mencari dan melengkapi. Menjelajahi setiap hati dari para penempuh perjalanan di dunia, termasuk dirinya sendiri.

.. berhentilah menandai peta, biarkan hatimu yang memandu ..

– teman perjalanan (nomadic heart)

semakin sering kamu melakukan perjalanan, kamu akan menyadari betapa hatimu bukannya sulit untuk dimiliki, namun hatimu tertinggal di setiap tempat yang telah kamu kunjungi, serpihannya tercecer di setiap sudut tempat-tempat itu..

nomadic heart.

p.s : no pictures are enough to describe how i miss my traveling.

Distract

i don’t know how evil works to whisper doubt into human’s heart..that even something that should make your heart warm and tranquil, they make it so confused and scary.

An-Nas

Say, ” i seek refuge in The Lord of Mankind” (1) The Sovereign of Mankind (2) The God of Mankind (3) From the evil of the retreating whisperer (4) Who whispers [evil] into the breasts of mankind (5) From among the jinn and mankind (6)”

isn’t it weird how you feel the darkness when you are holding light from your candle?

i don’t want to push my self too much, too hard. Won’t let anything ruin my journey.

hold my hand, hold this light, let’s continue walking to the new path.

Disclose

How beautiful is it, to be able to open your heart to someone, completely; without fears, but with future hopes and desires. i always wondering how much my heart feeling it is okay to disclose widely. Without rules, without terms and conditions. just guided by my own instincts, leading me to disclose. i always think that i’m a very reserved person, never bother to decide whether that’s a good thing for me, or even bad thing for me; just jump into things. i have a hard time, and mostly tired.. revealing the state of my own heart. i haven’t be able to trust other’s people ability to understand myself.

How beautiful it is.. to finally deciding to open my heart to a person who i can share my heart with, to feel safe with their companion, to be silent with the rest, to feel so alive.

..teri yaad sataundi ae..

Teman Perjalanan

Ketika kita berjalan berdampingan dengan seorang teman, seorang pasangan.. berbagi kata-kata manis, berbagi arti senyuman yang hanya dipahami keduanya, kita seolah merasa bahwa arah hidup kita telah tergapai dengan segera, dan selamanya ingin tetap berjalan bersama mereka.

Sementara itu.. di sisi lain, petualangan yang sama namun dijalani sendiri, terasa lebih panjang, lebih kedap suara, dan dalam beberapa bagian perjalanannya, bahkan terasa lebih sukar dilalui.

Sebagaimana hidup. Petualangannya jika dilalui sendiri terasa lebih lama, sukar dilalui, tidak berarti. Tapi ketika segalanya dibagi dengan yang terkasih dari seluruh kekasih, seketika hangat di hati. Jarak terasa lebih singkat, tujuan terasa lebih dekat.

Berjalanlah dengan ia, yang terkasih. Yang awal dari segala cipta dan cinta. Berjalanlah dengan ia; yang jika bukan karenanya, DIA tak akan menciptakan alam semesta, DIA tidak akan menciptakan perjalanan itu sendiri.

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Berjalalah bersamanya, menujuNYA; yang adalah Jalan, dan sekaligus Tujuan.

Sesungguhnya telah datang kepadamu seorang Rasul dari dirimu sendiri. Berat dirasa olehnya penderitaanmu, sangat menginginkan keselamatan bagimu, amat belas kasihan lagi penyayang terhadap orang-orang mukmin. [Al Taubah 128]