heart beats melancholy

suddenly crying a lot on our dining table because Ya Allah i really miss him. he were just went for work only since 8 hrs ago and will be at home in 2 hrs.. but i miss him badly.

i recall how sweet our first meet; the smiles, the gesture..when i need a long time to finally recognizing his detail appearance, because i never had a courage to see his face, i always lower my gaze in front of him..

11 months since our met..

i still couldn’t believe that i married him.

things are more easier with him. couldn’t ask more than this. everything are more wonderful, warming, and full of surprises.. yet refreshing! a new stage of life, alhamdulillah.

still have this feeling.. to feel a heart beats waiting his coming in front of the door.. the same heart beats i felt on our dates when we were like a boyfriend-girlfriend. the same heart beats; “when will he arrive? when will he arrive? , when will he arrive? ”

knock..knock…that feeling when you are happy enough to see him again in front of the door, and sheepishly looking at his smiling face!

may Allah keep this heart beats from me.

…i love you between the tears on our dining table…

 

 

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how human we are.. to be arrogant of temporary material things we actually never had, while everything in this world is in HIS hand..HE can take it all from us in a blink of eye..

o’ Lord, take everything from me..until all i know is YOU.

Another Phase

writing here while listening my husband reading Qur’an. so beautiful and calming. It’s been a while since i listen a man (not included my family members) reading the Qur’an this close.

for those who questioning the opening, yes.. i married a man 3 months ago. so many things to tell the world about my happiness being with this special man. terlalu bahagia, hingga tidak pernah memiliki luapan kata-kata yang cukup untuk menuliskannya. but someday, someday i will write about him, i promise.

i also decided to resign from my office since some days before my wedding day. big decision always demands risk and conviction. may Allah guide me to let go of the fear, doubt, and regrets..

staying all day at home waiting for my husband to come back from his work, is something very new to me, when i accustomed with so many activities outside my home before.

and here comes another surprises in our marriage. hope this surprises make us get closer to each other, be patient with each other. with you by my side, everything seems so easy..

also, this is the first time i observing Ramadhan without my parents, and learning to observe with this man.

Happy observing holy month of Ramadhan, may we all earn all the Ramadhan blessing.

salam,

m.

 

Nomadic Heart

Pernah bertanya pada diri sendiri, di tengah malam ketika tangan sibuk memilah barang apa saja yang akan disertakan untuk perjalanan beberapa hari ke depan.

“kenapa harus melakukan perjalanan-perjalanan ini sendiri? sampai kapan akan demikian?”

go ahead.

karena ternyata, kadangkala teman perjalanan terbaik bukanlah melulu yang bersamamu merangkai setiap rencana perjalanan, menyiapkan perlengkapan bersama, dan mengukur jarak bersama.

Teman perjalanan yang terbaik kadangkala adalah senyum sapa penjual sarapan pagi di kota barumu selagi kamu masih belum juga mandi, mereka yang menceritakan kotanya dengan penuh bangga di balik kemudi, mereka yang membuka bekal perjalanannya denganmu untuk berbagi, rintik hujan pagi hari di tepi candi, hembus angin di balik dedaunan, doa para terkasih dari kejauhan… dan… rasa rindu yang menarikmu  untuk segera pulang.

setiap perjalanan mengajarkamu kemana seharusnya kamu kembali.

(rindu yang hebat untuk teman-teman perjalananku : bunga-bunga aneka warna mencolok yang tengah bermekaran di Gardens By The Bay, melihat kerlip cahaya Singapura malam dari 800 meter ketinggian, senyum tanpa gigi seorang Ibu yang memakai kebaya sepulang dari pasar di angkutan menuju Ullen Sentalu, semilir angin di Taman Sari, buah kersen dari tangan pengemudi di Kediri, sepasang tangan yang kasar namun begitu penuh kehati-hatian menyentuh kitab Jawi di Gua Maria Kediri, rona-rona merah di Blitar, bulan sempurna berkeliling bintang dipandang sembari terlentang di atas hamparan pasir pantai Untung Jawa,  kabut pagi di Bromo, suara rel kereta yang bertabrakan dengan roda besinya tak sejalang dengan hatimu yang sepi,  suara para peziarah bersahutan melantunkan doa dan pujian di tepi astana para pemimpin pesantren di Jombang, hujan di Trowulan, bunga kamboja menjatuhkan diri di dinding candi-candi Majapahit, senyapnya makam pendita di Bayat dalam lantunan doa  di hati para pemuja, satu langkah kaki peziarah Gua Maria Bayat yang memunguti setiap helai daun yang dilaluinya, mengamati setiap bahagianya perjumpaan dan beratnya perpisahan di kursi tunggu Stasiun Kutoarjo,  dan… degup hati ketika akhirnya sampai di sebuah kota yang sangat enggan kau datangi namun tak jua kau beranjak darinya demi sebuah pembuktian bahwa hatimu begitu kuat untuk merelakan semuanya benar-benar berakhir..)

perjalanan tak ubahnya sebuah ziarah panjang para penempuh perjalanan di dunia, sebuah perjalanan spiritualitas yang mengungkapkan fakta bahwa banyak hati yang sepi, hati yang patah, hati yang berprasangka, hati yang bersukaria, yang masing-masing seperti ingin saling mencari dan melengkapi. Menjelajahi setiap hati dari para penempuh perjalanan di dunia, termasuk dirinya sendiri.

.. berhentilah menandai peta, biarkan hatimu yang memandu ..

– teman perjalanan (nomadic heart)

semakin sering kamu melakukan perjalanan, kamu akan menyadari betapa hatimu bukannya sulit untuk dimiliki, namun hatimu tertinggal di setiap tempat yang telah kamu kunjungi, serpihannya tercecer di setiap sudut tempat-tempat itu..

nomadic heart.

p.s : no pictures are enough to describe how i miss my traveling.

Reblog : 5 Ways to Find Story Ideas for Your (Travel) Write-ups.

How do you find story ideas for your travel write-ups? How to write about a place from another angle instead of reporting about what you do on a day-to-day basis? I’ve been asked this question quite often in various occasions, so I thought I could share about it through this post:

prose1. Follow your curiosity

You are not a cat, so hopefully, you won’t get killed (and even cats have 9 lives!). Have you ever looked at something, heard something, or read about something, and felt curious about a certain thing afterwards? Curiosity is human. We like to ‘sniff around’. We want to know what is happening, we want to know more, we want to know what will happen next. Our mind is full of chatters and questions–even about the most trivial things. The next time you are curious about something, follow it like a detective.

There was this one time around 3 years ago when I watched a TV series, Miss Advised. One of the characters used Craigslist–a listing site, to find herself a date. I was curious whether there were also people posting dating profiles on Craigslist in Indonesia. So I went in. And there were loads of people looking for ‘dates’ on Craigslist, in Jakarta–even just reading their ‘creative’ ads had given me a few hours of uninterrupted fun. Then I asked myself, do people really answer these ads? Does it really work? And so I replied to one of the ads and set myself up for a blind date. The story of the blind date–I’ll keep that for another time!

Stories that may come up: stories about exploration, about your effort in following ‘clues’, about uncovering something, about the challenges in getting the information you need, etc.

2. Keep asking ‘why’ and talk to people

When we travel, there may be many occasions when we realised that we know nothing about something: the way people dress, how they treat each other, their eating habit, the way they treat guests, their local beliefs, about why it seemed like every students in Kazakhstan were always asking me about how many languages do I speak, or about why we would see some old people in Paris walking down the street or sitting in front of a restaurant–talking to themselves.

Of course, we can always shrug our shoulders and let these things pass; or we can always try to understand these ‘unfamiliar’ things by asking people. I talked to a guy working in a villa in Bali, and it turns into this.

Stories that may come up: a feature story about someone you meet/talk to, a conversation with this person, the way he/she left some memories or give valuable life-lessons that are relevant to you, a story about that person and his/her life experience, etc.

3. Observe keenly

Did you still remember the things you see, hear, smell, taste, feel, and think from one of your traveling journeys? Maybe we remember what we saw–more or less, because we took pictures, but most of the times, we forgot the rest. But these small details are like seeds. When we plant, water, and nurture them, when they are ripe, they can burst into stories. To keep a journal on the things you see, hear, smell, taste, feel, and think on your journeys is a great way to keep these seeds. For instance, what is the headline of the local newspaper at the day of your visit?

I overheard a conversation at Musee d’Orsay one time, between a father and his son, and it made its way into this post. I played around with a memory of a city in this post. I wrote down the things I felt as I walked around the small alleys of Santorini, and it became this. I’m not saying they are good stories–but they are short drafts and snippets of what can actually come up from keen observations.

Stories that may come up: a reflection on life based on an overhead dialogue, how a dialogue you overheard reminds you of something–or enlightened you about something, about capturing a spirit of a city or an environment through the local’s conversations, etc.

4. Break your habit

If you’re always staying at a hostel, try a nice hotel when you have enough money. If you’re always staying in a hotel, try an Airbnb space. If you are always following a map, try ditching it. If you are always traveling with friends, try traveling alone. If you’ve never bought souvenirs, buy one. If you’ve always bought souvenirs, buy none. Try to do new things when you travel and break your usual habit. It will feel odd and uncomfortable–two sure signs that you’re about to experience something new. And when we experience something new, we are being introduced to a new story.

From trying out Tinder, having a picnic date with a stranger, dancing with a bunch of policemen, staying with a transgender host, hopping on into a stranger’s car at 4 am in the morning, eating horse meat, to hanging out with a bunch of high school students, each one is a story in itself!

Stories that may come up: challenges you need to face when you’re dealing with unfamiliar territories, the internal conflict of doing things you are unsure about, the way you see a place differently because you change your habit, etc.

5. Try to see things from a neutral ‘place’

Are you opposing arranged marriage? Do you think couples should get married because they love each other–not because of their compatibility towards one another? Do you think it’s shallow for a girl to not want to go to college–and opt for an arranged marriage instead? When we travel, we may see, hear, or experience things that are not in-line with our beliefs or our views of the world. It is easy for us to pass judgement instantly; but things are not always what it seems.

I always thought bitterly about India and its arranged marriage tradition; until I tried to be more open about this and started chatting with an Indian woman–who happily chose an arranged marriage rather than a college life; and with a car-rental driver–who said confidently, that of course–he would choose a compatible husband for her daughter through an arranged marriage! I may still disagree to some extent, but opening up myself to see things from a neutral ‘place’ made me able to understand the underlying reasons behind; and to accept the fact that there are couples who really fall in love after their arranged marriage!

Stories that may come up: unveiling the reasons behind why people act or think a certain way, background about a city/country’s cultural or political history that affects the way they interact or behave with each other, busting myths or breaking the stereotypes about a certain place, etc.

So, are you ready to find your (story) ideas?

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If you’re interested in narrative travel writing, maybe you want to check this class to be held in May by my friend (a travel writer and a senior editor, too), Windy Ariestanty. Have fun! 🙂

Source: 5 Ways to Find Story Ideas for Your (Travel) Write-ups.

Distract

i don’t know how evil works to whisper doubt into human’s heart..that even something that should make your heart warm and tranquil, they make it so confused and scary.

An-Nas

Say, ” i seek refuge in The Lord of Mankind” (1) The Sovereign of Mankind (2) The God of Mankind (3) From the evil of the retreating whisperer (4) Who whispers [evil] into the breasts of mankind (5) From among the jinn and mankind (6)”

isn’t it weird how you feel the darkness when you are holding light from your candle?

i don’t want to push my self too much, too hard. Won’t let anything ruin my journey.

hold my hand, hold this light, let’s continue walking to the new path.

Critical Eleven.

Dalam dunia penerbangan, dikenal istilah critical eleven; sebelas menit paling kritis di dalam pesawat—tiga menit setelah take off dan delapan menit sebelum landing—karena secara statistik delapan puluh persen kecelakaan pesawat umumnya terjadi dalam rentang waktu sebelas menit itu.

In a way, it’s kinda the same with meeting people. Tiga menit pertama kritis sifatnya karena saat itulah kesan pertama terbentuk, lalu ada delapan menit sebelum berpisah—delapan menit ketika senyum, tindak tanduk, dan ekspresi wajah orang tersebut jelas bercerita apakah itu akan jadi awal sesuatu ataukah justru menjadi perpisahan.

***

what kind of things you see on me on our critical eleven?